vir non camelus est.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Round 6: BF v Not Quite Allstars

Many Black Fish fans were curious, and a little anxious, ahead of this week's key clash with traditional rivals Not Quite Allstars, as the league newcomers entered Round 6 atop the E-grade ladder.

It appears, however, that their team name was excessively flattering. A more accurate moniker may have been 'Very Fucking Far From Allstars'.

Future BF000, Maxwell L "The Delivery" Van Whittle made his first appearance courtside to watch an almost full-strength Black Fish side (missing only Winter 2007 'matchwinner' Downing) completely take apart the Allstars.

In a complete performance, Rodgers (N), Whittle (N), and Noutz (C) provided an impenetrable wall down low, Edwards (S), Foreman (D) and Whittle (S) operated perfectly in their swing roles and Weeks (R) dominated at the point. A complete team performance that resulted in an impressive 46-23 victory, and added further momentum to the Black Fish premiership juggernaut.

Round 4: Bye

No children were born during this week's bye.

Round 5: BF v Spectrum

It would not be inaccurate to state that even iodine-deficient Bhutanese children are aware that the sad old jokes from Spectrum are amongst the lowest-quality men on Earth. It's not about their heads (horrid though they are), or their well-documented struggle against the modern scourge of morbid obesity, or their curious penchant for poorly-executed look-away passes, or their creaky lower-limb articulations, or even their choice in facial hair.

It's simply that they are small men. And, as if to demonstrate an inverse correlation between manliness and chromosome count, it is the slightly-inaccurately numbered 42 who is the smallest of them all.

It would be excessively wearisome to recount all of his behaviours (his humorous description of BF07 as a beyatch notwithstanding). One might simply remind him of Jebediah Springfield's immortal aphorism "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man".

In any event, a dominant Black Fish side utterly dominated the contest, eventually winning 55-31 despite a cowardly 10-point scorer penalty. Surely it was a sad late-night ride home in the Minda bus.

Round 3: BF v Metal Slug

Immediately following this game Metal Slug was promoted to D grade.

Strange, then, that the Black Fish effortlessly flogged them 46-37.

Round 2: BF v Homebrand

Some observers believe that Homebrand aren't a bad bunch of blokes; their behaviour in Round 2 sadly proves the opposite. In an act that proves what small men they really are, the Homobrands chose to take the cowardly path of exacting a 10-point scorer penalty from a depleted Fish outfit.

And so it was that a hard-fought victory for the Fish was translated to a disappointing 41-44 loss in the official records.

Round 1: BF v The Disgraced

There is no more satisfying way to kick off the season than with a victory over Carrot and his mob of angry young men.

And so it came to pass. A magnificent victory to the Black Fish 31-29. The perfect start to the 2007/8 Summer season.

Fixtures Summer 2007/8

Round 1 (20/9/07) BF v The Disgraced
Round 2 (27/9/07) BF v Homebrand
Round 3 (4/10/07) BF v Metal Slug
Round 4 (11/10/07) BYE
Round 5 (18/10/07) BF v Spectrum
Round 6 (25/10/07) BF v Not Quite Allstars
Round 7 (1/11/07) BF v CJs 6:45pm
Round 8 (8/11/07) BF v The Disgraced 7:30pm
Round 9 (15/11/07) BF v Homebrand 9:45pm
Round 10 (22/11/07) BF v Air Supreme 9:00pm
Round 11 (29/11/07) BYE
Round 12 (6/12/07) BF v Spectrum 10:30pm
Round 13 (13/12/07) BF v Not Quite Allstars 6:00pm
Round 14 (3/1/08) BF v CJs 9:45pm
Round 15 (10/1/08) BF v The Disgraced 6:45pm
Round 16 (17/1/08) BF v Homebrand 6:00pm
Round 17 (24/1/08) BF v Air Supreme 9:00pm
Round 18 (31/1/08) BYE
Round 19 (7/2/08) BF v Spectrum 10:30pm
Round 20 (14/2/08) BF v Not Quite Allstars 8:15pm
Semi Finals 21/2/08
Grand Final 28/2/08

Semi Final: BF v Deja Vu

It had been a long time between finals for the countless die-hard Black Fish fans and expectations ran high.

Let the record state that the boys played their hearts out, but, despite a stirring second-half comeback, sadly fell just short of a magnificent upset victory, eventually succumbing by the narrow margin of 50-54 to eventual premiers Deja Vu.

Despite the heartbreak of the loss, most pundits would agree that winter season 2007 was a success for this mighty club, and will serve as a sound platform for a future tilt at premiership glory.