vir non camelus est.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

TNPS VI - 26/9/15

Not a Thursday.
Not at night.
But plenty of pain.

Having been struck down by a pandemic-strength dose of man-flu earlier in the week, it was a partially-relieved BF00 who learned early today that BF06 and BF07 were willing to engage in some weekend suffering. It might not have been TNPS as we've come to know it, but it was still a cracking session.

On a glorious spring afternoon, these 3 foundation Black Fish took to the great outdoors. There was plenty of vitamin D. And possibly a bit of vitamin A and vitamin S.

The entire session was based on the principle of "walk back and forth carrying heavy things". Here's how it looked:

3x Hang Clean + 3x Push Press + 3x Hang Clean + 3x Push Press
Do at 88# for BF07 and 132# for BF00 and BF06 (BF00 first set at 154#)
Alternate players
3 rounds

Walking lunge @110# BB:
One length of tennis court + 5 thrusters @110#:
(66# for BF07)
Alternate players
3 laps each

Overhead carries at one heavy KB each:
Snatch into OH & carry 1 lap, change hands with snatch, carry back
80# for BF00; 53-70# for BF06; 53# for BF07
3 rounds each

Barbell overhead carry
2 full lengths of tennis court
3 rounds each:
BF00: 110/132/132#
BF06: 110#
BF07: 66/88/88#

5x KB Rack Squat + farmer carry x1 length of tennis court +
5x KB Rack Squat + farmer carry x1 length of tennis court
@ 2x53# KB
3 rounds each

BF07 doing well to get the calves out of the way during the lunge.

Tzatziki chasing shadows. Deep in the pain cave.

To be frank, none of us here at Black Fish headquarters can
understand how that clown Hemsworth pipped BF07 for the 
role of Thor. Here at #TNPS, Gods walk among us.

"I wish BF00 would shut the fuck up about external rotation. I
can't even remember which one that is. Fucking shoulder police"

"mmm, external rotation...."

"Seriously man, shut the fuck up about fucking external
rotation. My shoulders are just fine. Fucking rheumatologists"

Focus. Grit. Enormous plums.
It's what makes Black Fish great.

Twice as much glove as Michael Jackson. 
Half the propofol addiction.

In a TNPS first, BF07 simultaneously dislocates 3 joints.

BF06 dominating down the home straight; BF07 in hot
pursuit. Makybe Diva languishing out of shot in third place.

Wearing an original Black Fish Basketball Club cap has been
scientifically proven to increase strength by 10%. 
Sadly the Steve Waugh rag in BF00's pants can't be seen in 
this picture.

BF00 gladly walking into the light. Sweet relief.

This picture says everything about the mighty Black Fish:
Next generation Fish
Dangerously compromised spinal columns

Post-workout nutrition

So that's 6 TNPS meetings in the bag - almost time for an end of season trip! Might have to go to Mannum for a slab.

(of beer).

Thursday, September 17, 2015

TNPS V - 17/9/15

This week was shaping up as the first ever TNPS to feature 3 foundation Black Fish. But sadly an unexpected turn of events at the last minute prevented BF07 from attending his second consecutive pain society meeting (he also strenuously denies any implication that his absence related to any combination of camouflage gear, air rifles or pre-schools).

And so it was that TNPS stalwarts BF06 and BF00 were left to suffer, Christ-like, on behalf of all Black Fish.

And it was a beauty. The first ever TNPS routine to be unanimously voted as warranting a repeat appearance in the near future (nb voting panel consisted of BF00 only).

Here's how it looked:

1. Warm-up with shoulder dislocates

2. 10-minute maximum reps at 3 consecutive stations:
a. Pull-up - BF06: 68    BF00: 82
b. Dips     - BF06: 156  BF00: 115
c. Z-press - BF06: 169  BF00: 169

3. 30s ski + 90s rest, players alternate
    Each player starts at 145m and must increase by 1m each round
    Ends when both players fail to increase in the same round:

    BF06      BF00
    145         145
    138         147
    146         148
    145         149
    136         150
    137         151
    139         153
    140         154
    139         155
    141         156
    137         157
    138         158
    136         159
    134         160
    129         162
    136         165
    139         165
(end at 17 rounds)
(plus one bonus round for BF06 = 142)

Simple but painful. Just the way we like it.

How heavy can an unloaded bar feel?

Pretty heavy it turns out.

No filter*
(*not true)

Alex "Tzatziki" Rodgers: undisputed world dip champion

BF06 giving a death stare to his nemesis

All good things must come to an end...

See you next week!
(I'm looking at you, BF07)

Thursday, September 10, 2015

TNPS IV - 10/9/15

TNPS IV had two defining features:
1. On a happy note, it marked the TNPS debut of Black Fish veteran, premiership player and club legend BF07.
2. On a darker note, it was the most horrible edition yet.

But in true Black Fish style, the two foundation members who were present dug deep to suffer their way through an extremely unpleasant session. It was special to watch.

Meanwhile, another foundation Fish and premiership player (and hitherto hard man of the club), BF06, showed remarkable initiative in taking the TNPS for its second trip to South-East Asia in only the second month of its existence. Unfortunately the combination of humidity, volcanic ash and Bintang resulted in severe clouding of his judgment. His match report (verbatim) reads:

"today I did a yoga class and just had a massage with Balinese wrap at the Day Spa 
#NoFear #Hardcore #TNPS"

The thoughts of the entire Black Fish family are with BF06 as he struggles through this difficult time and we look forward to the eventual return of the man and athlete we used to know.

Back in the dimly-lit, ice-cold depths of the Farr House of Pain, the real men suffered through the following:

Warm up with squats, wall squats, lunges

Work up to heavy front squat:
SW max 275#
SE max 132#

4x4 front squat at 80% max:
SW at 220#
SE at 121#

500m row for time:
SW 1’30.3"
SE 1’40.9"

500m row + x reps FSPP @88# (x = number of seconds slower than baseline)
3 rounds, alternating players:

1’45.8” (5 FSPP)
1’45.9” (5 FSPP)
1’45.9” (5 FSPP)

1’37.4” (7 FSPP)
1’43.4” (13 FSPP)
1’42.8” (13 FSPP)

End (no bonus)

"Wait, I have to lift this bar up?"

BF07 in an elite "I Dream of Jeannie" pose

So exciting to have Bone McDermott drop in for a visit to our gym

These rowing intervals are going to get done, polio or no polio

It took forever to photoshop the pandas out of this image

The damage. Thankfully the bonus was averted.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

TNPS III - 27/8/15

Edition III of the Thursday Night Pain Society was for the hard units only.

It was the shortest TNPS of all time, but perhaps the most brutal.

Only BF06 and BF00 were hard enough to complete it.

This is how it looked:

Warm up with squats, wall squats and lunges 

Work up to heavy back squat: 
5 @ 132#
3 @ 176#
2 @ 220#
1 @ 264# 

10x back squat at bodyweight (187#) + 30s row sprint (minimum standard 160m) 
5 rounds:  
BF00: 167m, 168m, 167m, 167m, 167m 
BF06: 160m, 160m, 161m, 163m, 168m 

Then BF06 had the (Sophie's) choice: Door 1 or Door 2. Whatever lay behind it was our destiny.

He chose Door 1:

Maximum continuous deadlifts at 100kg without setting the bar down
(standard when fresh is 30 reps):
BF06: 20 
BF00: 30 

By now the legs were jelly and the "bonus" round was not required.

Another hard night enters the annals of Black Fish history.

"What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

BF06 praying that his rowing gloves will make the difference

BF00's intracranial pressure causing irreversible head blurring

Pre-prolapse facies

Thursday Night Gainz Society

Thursday, August 13, 2015

TNPS II - 13/8/2015

The second edition of the Black Fish Thursday Night Pain Society was, unexpectedly, even worse than the inaugural event. Undeterred by the absences of Black Fish Dwyer (acceptable) and Edwards (unacceptable), TNPS stalwarts Rodgers and Whittle dug deep for what became a gut-churning lactate spectacular.

This is how it looked:

3x (4-1) pull-up ladder

6-way barbell at 88#/99#/110#
(6x deadlift, 6x bent row, 6x power clean, 6x front squat, 6x push press, 6x back squat, 6x push-up)
(alternate players)

One-arm KB Clean & Press @ 24kg
4X every 30 seconds for 5 minutes
KB swing @ 24kg
10X every 30 seconds for 5 minutes
5X every 30 seconds for 5 minutes

Tag Team Row and Hold:
P1: Row 150m
P2: Hold 2x30# DBs overhead, arms locked out
Switch positions repeat until both players have rowed to finish one round
Three rounds

500m ski for time (sub 1:45 minimum standard)
SW: 1’33.8”; AR 1’45.3"

AR making the dreaded 6-way barbell look easy

If you look closely, you can see SW's soul trying to escape

Mushroom cloud

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Black Fish are back: Thursday Night Pain Society I

The mighty Black Fish present their latest sporting endeavour: The Thursday Night Pain Society.

The inaugural TNPS was held on Thursday, August 6 2015 at BF00's pain dungeon. And sadly for the participants @samwhittle, @adrbf06 and @DwyerFin, the name barely did justice to the experience.

Tonight's workout:


Squats, wall squats
10-1 burpee ladder


32kg/16kg KB

15 swings + Row 2 minute
Rest while others work
3 rounds

10 goblet squat + Ski 2 minute
3 rounds

450m girls (400 for ski)
575m boys (500 for ski)


Explosive step-ups:
40x step-up @20” box each player per round

3 rounds

And here's how it played out:

The Fish in action:

 "Why is it called the Thursday Night Pain Society?"

The definition of 'explosive' may have changed as each round progressed

Fin making it look way too easy

Hammer or nail?

See you next week, sports fans!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Black Fish Cycling at the 2013 Tour Down Under: a view from the sidelines

Black Fish Cycling has much in common with Team Katusha:

1. Both teams have enjoyed brief flirtations with Robbie McEwen

2. Both teams endure Soviet-style training facilities

3. Both have a lot of love for the great Vladimir "Shag Pile" Karpets

But most importantly,

4. Both have been excluded from UCI World Tour status in 2013 due to concerns about their drug policies.

And it is for this reason that the mighty Black Fish elite quintet was ineligible to compete as professionals at this year's TDU.

But never fear, dear reader, your heroes were still an integral part of the TDU, as the following pictorial essay will demonstrate:

As the excitement built in the Tour Village in the lead-up to Stage 1, countless other members of the professional peloton visited the Black Fish trade display to lend moral support:

Australian champion Bernard "Turbo" Tomic consoled himself after his loss to Roger Federer by impersonating Luke Durbridge in order to get close to Finola "Fionala" Dwyer

Simon Clarke couldn't resist an inquisitive caress of BF00's  "chamois"

Bobridge schooling Weeks in the art of fasting

Jens Voigt's unoriginal jokes about Edwards resembling Schleck drew a harsh response from Weeks

Jens: "Shut up legs"
BF00: "That's not my leg"

World Champion Phil Gilbert uses an overly-laden tourist as a screen to avoid the creepy stalker stare of Edwards

Even at the start line for Stage 1, as BF00 tearfully looked at the blank Black Fish column on the sign-in board and hurled invective at a clearly unimpressed Mike Turtur, other pro riders continued to offer support to the embattled local team:

Edwards' attempt to join the race in an ill-fitting Radioshack jersey and comedy dark glasses was short-lived. But cycling's pervasive omerta has prevented the truth about Andy Schleck's sickening Nancy Kerrigan-style leg injuries at the hands of "Tonya" Edwards from being reported as the real reason behind his terrible performance in the TDU.

Stuey remembers that he owes BF00 a headbutt from last year... BF00 tries to get one in early.

"Come with me if you want to live"

Proximity to Greipel's calves begins to draw BF00's lips into a gravitational vortex
Media tart Gilbert attempts to photobomb BF00

Gerrans was distracted by the presence of the Black Fish road captain

Former Minister for Sport, Kate Ellis, desperately tries to avoid the gaze of the crazed blogger who still holds the record for longest email about umpiring standards at MARS Stadium ever sent to a sitting member of parliament

BF00 fails spectacularly at trying to pretend that he is part of the peloton.
Tragic, really.

Stage 3 began in leafy cosmopolitan Unley, where the previous night the elite Black Fish squad had dined in luxurious circumstances while the mob were forced to mill around outside, sustained only by the hors d'oeuvres of pitiful street vendors and plastic cups of crisp sauvignon blanc. Soon, anger at the UCI's exclusion of the Black Fish began to build. Thousands of oppressed Hyde Park folk, no longer able to bear life's inequities, began to pour out of 'Carla Zampatti' and 'Steven ter Horst Chocolatier' to vent their rage. Blind in their fury, the mob began to chant at UCI President Pat McQuaid in awkward Year 10 Walford school French, oblivious to his Irishness:

"Que voulons-nous? 
Les Poissons Noirs dans le peloton professionnel!
Quand voulons-nous? 

In a surprise twist, German sprinting ace Andre Greipel, who dropped out of French classes after the 8th grade, believed that the lusty crowd was baying for him to strike a sexy pose:

Fortunately, this was enough to settle the crowd. But media interest in the Black Fish story, already high as a result of the feature in the renowned Eastern Courier, continued to grow:

Tomalaris finally snares the big interview. Winfrey reported to be devastated.

Former BF Basketball statistical good-luck charm and current support vehicle driver, Downing, fields calls from international media agencies

In a rare post-mortem media appearance, "Big Kev" McQuay joins Dwyer and Whittle atop the Corkscrew in order to declare "I'm excited" about the Black Fish.
Whittle forced to ride home with 6kg of washing powder in jersey pocket.

Sadly, McQuaid stood firm and the Black Fish were unable to compete as professionals in this year's tour. But fans were thrilled when the squad elected to ride with the common man in the Bupa Challenge Tour before Stage 4 of the TDU. A full report of this great day for cycling fans will follow. But for now, the Fish must begin to place their professional hopes in the next generation:

Will "Seiberg" Edwards achieves his first KOM