vir non camelus est.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Major Announcement: New Black Fish Cycling Kit!

Ladies & Gentleman, the wait is finally over. The mighty Black Fish Cycling team today unveiled its 2011-12 official team kit.

In a major overhaul of the team design since the switch in focus from elite basketball to elite cycling, the new gear features the spectacular new logo and a splash of fiery red, but maintains the emphasis on the menacing black that characterizes the team.

The kit, including jerseys & shorts (pictured below), caps, and arm warmers & leg warmers (we highly value the warmth of our peripheries around here) has been designed and supplied by the magnificent team at Tineli. In a first for this website, I would like to give an unreserved and genuine endorsement to Jono and the rest of the gang at Tineli, who have turned a back-of-the-envelope design into the awesome gear that will, from this day on, be seen climbing Lofty at record speed.

Future posts will include more images of the gear, as modeled by your favourite Black Fish cyclists (please send your modeling requests to admin@black-fish.org).



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Training Ride 27/11/2011

With only 54 days to go until the 2012 Tour Down Under, the mighty Black Fish cycling juggernaut has begun to step up the training intensity. After a grueling sufferfest during the week, hardened riders Weeks, Whittle and Edwards set out for a rapid leg-burner on the time-honoured Deviation Road route (see training map below). So professional were the riders that they were able to ignore the ravages of the sunny, 27-degree, wind-free conditions.


All three riders showed outstanding form, and were so far ahead of their expected pace that they stopped for some publicity shots along the way. These photos are for you, Black Fish fans, because we love you.

Edwards & Weeks interrupt a magnificent view

If you look carefully, you can see the bandaid that
 signifies BF00's ham-fisted approach to leg-shaving

Ladies, don't miss the alluring hint of Edwards midriff...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Rumour: Robbie McEwen to leave GreenEDGE for Black Fish?

In one of the hottest rumours on the international cycling circuit this year, speculation is mounting that cycling great Robbie McEwen is in active talks to defer taking up his position with GreenEDGE in order to seek further cycling glory with the mighty Black Fish.

Many believe that McEwen, winner of the 2002, 2004 & 2006 Tour de France Green Jersey, would be the perfect fit for the Fish, whose fabled train (and the unparalleled lead-out capability of team leader Sam Whittle) would have little difficulty in depositing the legendary sprinter at the front of the peloton in any level of competition. It remains unclear whether McEwen, 39 (pictured below with Whittle), would be willing to commit to the rigours of weekly Thursday night 'Dicky Spin' sessions, rather than opt for the more leisurely training regimen of World Tour contenders GreenEDGE.


Nonetheless, the rumour gained extra momentum earlier today when McEwen was seen in talks with the Black Fish skipper, and even dedicated a copy of his recent autobiography 'One Way Road' to the mighty Black Fish cycling juggernaut. Stay tuned for more details...


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Training Ride 30 October, 2011

In a moment that can only have stirred the loins of Black Fish fans everywhere, the magnificently menacing BF cycling quartet of Edwards, Rodgers, Weeks and Whittle were reunited on the road in the final training ride before Amy's Ride. And it was a day replete with both novelty and routine: it was the team's first reconnoitre of a part of the 2012 TDU route, the first Black Fish assault on Anstey's Hill, and this is the first BF blog post to include both a route map and a training video. The routine part, however, was the precision with which the fabled Black Fish train locked together at every opportunity to create an emergent whole that was truly greater than the sum of its parts.

The map below can show you the route and the elevation, but it can't describe to you the transcendent glory of four fine men and their bikes, a multipartite chimera of muscle and machine, as they cleaved the early morning air like gods, intent on banishing mortal laws of gravity.

Plus we ate some jelly beans, which was good.



Let me assure you, Fish fans, the team is in extremely good shape for this time of the year. Expect to see some record-breaking performances in the weeks to come. While Rodgers and Whittle take a brief (and well-deserved) hiatus from training in order to promote the Black Fish brand globally, super-domestiques Edwards and Weeks will assume the unfamiliar roles of co-team leaders this Sunday as they tackle the hair-raising descents on the Southern Expressway and the gruesome prolonged climb up Willunga Hill, the scene of Weeks' stunning break-out KOM performance last year. And to give you a taste of just how sharp they are looking, behold their irresistible form as they coast along the hills of Kangaroo Creek reservoir:

video

(PS, Ladies: don't forget to check out the alluring hint of Edwards 'dimples of Venus' at the end of the video)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Black Fish Cycling training ride 23 October 2011

With only days remaining until Amy's Ride, the first major event of the summer season for Black Fish Cycling, the squad produced a magnificent training ride early on Sunday, October 23. While Rodgers used 'work' as a thinly-veiled excuse to continue his bizarre obsessional relationship with Mt Lofty (or as he now insists on calling it 'The Good Lady Lofty, my common-law bride'), Edwards, Weeks & Whittle set out in the early-morning quiet under appropriately foreboding skies. Veteran domestique Weeks, the team's master tactician and leader of the mighty Black Fish train on flat sprints, freshly-shaved and clearly lighter than at this time last year, looked in magnificent condition as he sought to tackle the fearsome Fox Creek Road hill climb for the first time.

The squad made excellent time along Gorge Road and soon made the first rest station, at Cudlee Creek Tavern. Unfortunately, this opportunity to carefully wipe the mud flecks from the irresistibly smooth thighs and adjust the brightly-coloured lycra (featuring light-blue cow spots in Richard's case), while refreshing themselves with delicious water and healthy Uncle Toby's products was soured by the audience for this spectacle of hyper-manliness, pictured below:



Having escaped with their lives intact, the squad rapidly departed in the direction of Fox Creek Road, the heady aroma of Farmer's Union Iced Coffee, never-washed leather, goatee-grooming products and THC fresh in their nostrils.

From there, it was all about pain.

Having last ascended Fox Creek Road in the 2010 TDU, Whittle and Edwards were filled with a bravado born of hypoxia-induced cognitive dysfunction. Unsurprisingly, it was hard. But mercifully short. And soon the squad was again piercing the humid hills air with the exocet precision of the fabled Black Fish train, ascending the traditionally-awful back side of Forest Range with relative ease.

After 3 hours of almost constant climbing, the Fish attacked the Greenhill Road descent. Sadly for fans of super-gonadal descender Whittle, his Hushovd-style attack was stymied by some beardy clown driving a diesel-spewing Land Rover who couldn't comprehend that it is reasonable to make way for a cyclist who is clearly faster than one's pathetic 'motor vehicle'.

In the end it was an extremely strong display by a team that is poised for greatness this summer. Stay tuned, Fish fans!

News: Rodgers sets new BF climbing record

In a stunning display of early-season form, Black Fish Cycling domestique Alex Rodgers set a club-record time of 41:15 for the climb from the Toll Gate to Mt Lofty during a training ride on Saturday, 8th October 2011.

Rodgers (pictured, in an early - and unorthodox - training camp with European squad member Michael Nissen) had controversially eschewed the traditional late-winter training regimen of half-arsed trundles up Norton Summit in favour of a punishing schedule of regular Sufferfests and multiple solo assaults on Mt Lofty. His approach had been a source of considerable frustration to him in the weeks leading up to the record, as his extraordinarily detailed knowledge of the route appeared to make little impact on his times. But in a single spectacular ride that left team-mates Edwards and Weeks in his wake, he silenced the critics and positioned himself as the team's in-form climber leading into the summer season.

With the team's two leading climbers, Rodgers and Whittle, planning last-minute altitude hepatotoxicity training in the US in early November, the Black Fish appear poised to dominate the domestic riding season.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Black Fish hail Cadel

Having finally recovered from the accumulated sleep debt, the mighty Black Fish wish to take this opportunity to congratulate Cadel Evans on his Black Fish-worthy victory in the 2011 Tour de France.

Last minute contract negotiations between BF management and BMC are ongoing, but we remain hopeful that a transfer deal will be in place in time for Cadel to line up for the Fish in the 2012 TdU. The main obstacle at this stage remains Cadel's reluctance to undergo the indescribable pain of weekly sufferfest sessions at Dicky's House o' Pain in the months prior to the event. For only the very hardest of characters can endure that degree of pain. In return for his attendance, current BF cycling team members have agreed to spend the next few months growing arse-chins.

And in even more exciting news, when Cadel dons the BF strip in January (if he hardens up a bit), he will be wearing the new (official) Black Fish cycling gear. Stay tuned for more information on how you too can soon be the proud owner of official Black Fish merchandise.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Great Moments in Black Fish History - Part 1

A random series of nostalgic moments featuring members of the Black Fish Hall of Fame.


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Coast to Coast 2011

It was an elite quartet of Black Fish cyclists that tackled the 2011 Coast to Coast ride. Super Fish Whittle, Edwards, Weeks & Dwyer rose before dawn to set out on the 120km journey from Glenelg to Victor Harbor. Regrettably, experienced Coast to Coaster Rodgers was unable to return from the training camp in Penang in time to rejoin the team. Fortunately, this meant at least 3 fewer tyre change stops for the rest of the team.

And indeed it was a trouble-free day for the Fish, who covered the
distance with considerable ease and a surfeit of style. The other
competitors could only look on in awe as the tight drive train scythed
through the hapless peloton. Under sunny skies the Fish arrived
together at Victor Harbor in record time, sans mishaps, sans injuries,
sans discomfort, and sans compare.


Another superb chapter in the unparalleled history of this magnificent
sporting club.


A gallery of Black Fish heroes:

Richard "the-Flatter-the-Better" Weeks


The incomparable Sam Edwards, whose battle to complete the Coast to Coast despite the ravages of childhood polio has inspired a generation.


Recent recruit, Finola "Victory-or-Death" Dwyer


Polio-man demonstrating the subtlety of the modifications to his bike (which uses patented Cancellara hidden-motor technology).

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Sufferfest

A sneak peak inside the Black Fish pain cave, the scene of the weekly
self-inflicted atrocity at which heroes are born.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Black Fish recovery lunch at Coriole



2011 Tour Down Under

And so it came to pass that the cycling division of the mighty Black Fish set out to tackle the gruelling 135km pain-fest that was Stage IV of the 2011 TDU. After months of a monastic devotion to Dicky Spin, hills rides and depilation, the team - Sam W, Alex R, Sam E, Richard W and Finola D - was ready. The night before the ride was long. Each team member could only manage brief moments of sleep, before waking in a cold sweat, terrorized by visions of Checker Hill and strange premonitions of fat men with creepily-bandaged unilateral leg oedema hacking them down.

A warm and still morning greeted the warriors as they assembled under cover of darkness at Dicky's house o' pain. They were soon at the start line in Norwood, and ready for battle.

(A special thanks to former Australian batsman Dean Jones for coming out to see us on our way)




And so the race began....

As with any great adventure, the day brought many and varied tales; comedy, tragedy, heroism. Tales almost impossible to capture with words alone. So instead, we present a summary of the highlights and lowlights of a seminal day in Black Fish history. Lowlights first:

Lowlights:
  • Finola's flat tyre at the 0.2 km mark
  • The entire 8000-strong peloton vanishing into the distance, along with the support vans, police and ambulance, leaving the Black Fish in exactly last place
  • The limitless procession of slow-riding idiots who found it acceptable to ride in the right lane so that all passing manoevres required a pact with the devil
  • Aforementioned leg Oedema Man's singular effort to prevent at least three Fish from completing the Checker Hill climb
  • All the other clowns who, like Oedema Man, sought to prevent any of the Fish from completing Checker Hill (which they have previously proven to be within their capabilities)
  • Sam E and Alex R kissing some dirt on Checker Hill
  • Sam W crashing into a stationary car in Mt Barker, leaving an attractive sunscreen-smear on the rear window
  • Having "We Built This City" by Starship as an (inexplicable) earworm for the majority of the six-hour ride to Strathalbyn
  • Other teams with hilarious 'pun' names (examples: "Diff'rent Spokes", "Mud, Sweat and Gears")
  • Bizarre sub-zero temperatures at the Macclesfield refreshment station
  • Sam E's wrong turn in the final kilometres (and subsequent heroic, but bonk-crippled attempt to rejoin the group)
  • The traffic jam in Strathalbyn on the way home

Highlights:
  • Finishing
  • And not just finishing, but all Black Fish arriving in style, looking fresh (and still pretty), with no fractures or bleeding
  • The glorious weather for almost all of the race
  • Not being in outpatients
  • Rejoining the peloton in Athelstone after giving it a 30-minute head start
  • The super work by Katie E and Kate W to bring the heroes home
  • Beer number 1
  • Beers 2-5
  • Richard and Kate's drunken lamb

So, while an additive analysis would have the lowlights outweighing the highlights, in a weighted analysis where "finishing" has a weighting of infinity, the highlights are the clear winners. A perfect day, and another chapter in the proud history of the mighty mighty Black Fish.




Monday, January 17, 2011

Black Fish are back!


There is a palpable sense of excitement surging through the internet, as the mighty Black Fish sporting club returns to cyberspace. Since the unfortunate demise of the on-court arm of the Black Fish Basketball Club, the members of this proud organization have battled the forces of geographic dispersion and next-generation-of-black-fish-creation in order to diversify the sports that will be dominated by Black Fish in the future.

From triathlon to tennis, the Fish have athletes dominating every sport (primarily sports beginning with a 't'). But the big news this week is that for the first time, the elite cycling division of the Black Fish will compete under the banner of Black Fish Cycling, in the Tour Down Under community challenge. Black Fish stalwarts Whittle, Rodgers, Edwards and Weeks will be joined by co-opted Fish Finola Dwyer as they tackle 135km of pain, including the potentially heart-breaking Checker Hill.

But, as everyone knows, the Fish have hearts forged from steel. And no hill has ever been a match for the mighty BF cycling division.

We stand at the dawn of a new epoch. The era of Black Fish Cycling. Stay tuned for updates.

(P.S. note that we appear to be on a 5-year cycle)